She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
