on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
