Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
