we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
