before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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