If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
