I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
