ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
