What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
