News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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