My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
