So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My pussy is not your playground.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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