Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
