she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
