I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
