you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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