he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
