Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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