conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
