what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
