i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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