So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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