It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
