the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
