Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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