She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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