We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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