So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
