I wanna passion pit in your ass
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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