Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
