you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
