You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
