he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
