You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
