i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
