Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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