He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
