when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
