He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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