she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
