yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
