I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
