Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
