yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
