8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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