Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He? As in you personified your dick?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
