So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
