so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
