Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
