I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
