i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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